Hope for drug addicts

-Emily Thorn

Hi my name is Emily Thorn and this is my story....

I was born in London Ontario, Canada but was raised in Woodstock Ontario, Canada. I was adopted at the age of one and a half with my older sister. before I was adopted I was neglected and malnourished and just really sick. Due to the trauma I endured I developed some developmental difficulties which led to me being bullied all throughout elementary school and also high school.

Even though I went through a lot of trauma growing up I managed to be the happiest kid ever to be seen. I loved life and people and nature. I believed in God and went to church and stuff. When I hit high school I lost my partner to suicide, and I haven’t been the same since. my mental health was bad already, but after that I have never been the same person.

Later on in life I started drinking and using heavy drugs such as meth, crack, cocaine and opiates. I did this for about four years just lost trying to find my way After many hospitalizations I was just recently given the proper assessments to determine what I was struggling with. after years of trauma and institutions I was diagnosed with the following:

schizotypal personality disorder

paranoid personality disorder

melancholic personality disorder

borderline personality disorder

generalized anxiety disorder

persistent depressive disorder

and last, PTSD.

That was a lot for me to come to terms with and accept that okay I am mentally ill and these symptoms may never go away, but if i stay on my medication I can sorta manage and cope with my symptoms.

I choose to use substances to ease the inner demons and I said id only do drugs until i was properly diagnosed but its been four years later and I’m still battling addiction. I went through a lot of stuff while in active addiction including rape which I later discovered i was three months pregnant and I only had a few days to decide weather or not I was going to keep the baby or terminate the pregnancy and due to a lot of personal issues and being very sick and the baby might have been sick too, i decided to terminate the pregnancy. I will post the ultra sound below here…..

Some people use drugs because they think its cool, but I used it to escape my mind, my reality, my story. I didn’t care what the outcome of my addiction would lead to, I just used whatever drugs I could get my hands on hoping to die. I left my family, my friends, and I lost myself. below are photos of my active addiction. I lost everything including my hope. I felt hopeless. I was so sick that I cancelled every family get togethers.. I hid in my apartment thinking everyone was after. me. I can’t remember how many suicide attempt I’ve had or hospital visits. I’ve had many police welfare checks on me to make sure I was alive. I didn’t want anyone to see me that sick. I ran away from everyone who lived me because I didn’t want anyone to see how sick I was due to my addiction and mental illnesses.you can see down belo w how sick I was. I knew the drugs were killing me fast, however I didn’t care that I was sick and dying.

I had to complety loss myself to find the true me. I’ve been in London hospital for nine months to get better and I learned about how to cope with my illness. In addition to my experience and lived the lifestyle I decided to create #hopefordrugaddicts to give hope and share education to those who don’t know what it’s like.

Now, let’s talk mental health….

I fought many demons in my head …

I struggle with schizotypal personality disorder. I have psychosis due to this disorder. I hear voices and i occasionally see things. I have odd thoughts and behavior I have been told. I choose to have a small group of friends if any. I like to be by myself and do my thing. I don’t care for relationships either intimate or not.

I also have paranoid personality disorder which makes me suspicious of everyone and I think people are trying to kill me. These two disorders put me in alot of distress daily. The other five disorders I won’t give into detail with however my list of diagnosis you can find at the begging of the book.

I want to share my story in hopes in helping others find hope and freedom. #hopefordrugaddicts I created on social platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and of course twitter and here on my WordPress.

im a mental health advocate and blogger and i write poems too which ill share below…

relapse

i relapsed a couple times ..i let ppl down several times i allowed the drugs to take me away. i did anything i could get my hands on. the drugs were killing me fast i must add,i threw everything away including family and any form of friendship and intimacy.

i used drugs to end my suffering and acted like i had everything put together. the meth, the crack, thye cocaine the opiates never helped me and they wont help you either. we either fight or let the drugs kill us. you are neverb alone……ever.

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